sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Damn I just want some freaking sleep. Too many things going on I don't get a chance to sleep!
organizing events, dealing with club stuff, school being ridiculous especially organic chem.
But most importantly I though of a great idea that could change thing for the DREAM ACT if I can bring this out on a national scale.
Lets see if I can pull this off, I am kinda in over my head on this.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
I'm trapped
I feel trapped.....
Why? what did I do? I have such a bright future but it doesn't even matter to them....
I am so much stronger because of the life I have had to live due to being undocumented but It's hard always lying to everyone I know. I wish I could just tell everyone when they ask all the questions. Why don't you drive? Why don't you get financial aid? etc...
Everyone around me knows me as the guy who let's nothing get to him.... When they see shit happening to me and it doesn't phase me and they see me just laugh it off they think I am this strong, secure, worry-free person. In reality none of the shit that people see happen to me affects me because it is nothing compared to this burden I carry. Being undocumented I feel trapped, the only way to live a normal teenage life is to try and ignore it as best I can.
I wish, I just wish I could tell everyone. I would feel so relieved, but I can't I have to protect my family. I am stuck in between choosing what is best for me, letting go of this burden and choosing what is best for my family, keeping this a secret.
I have so many plans for my future, but... but I can't... I can't do anything, I am trapped.
I hate seeing my dad so stressed everyday because we have no money. I hate seeing my mom squander her life away and not really be truly happy. I hate seeing my brother have to go through everything that I went through at his age. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I can't freaking stand this! It is not fair....
But at the same time, how selfish must I sound huh? I complain about all of this all the meanwhile the people in Haiti are suffering things infinitely times worse. How do I balance this feeling of being trapped, this feeling of unfairness and the feeling of being blessed in comparison to those in Haiti or in worse situations than me? How do I balance my natural optimistic attitude with my reality? How do I balance being a kid and at the same time having this constant ghost lurking in the back of my mind?
Yes, I am at a disadvantage when compared to some, but I am so much more fortunate than others. I am undocumented, and I go through moments of weakness such as this one where I question the fairness in my life, where I feel trapped. I am undocumented yet I am happier than so many people I see who have the world at their fingertips but are to scared to go after it. I don't understand this world... I never will..
Tough times don't last but tough people do.
Why? what did I do? I have such a bright future but it doesn't even matter to them....
I am so much stronger because of the life I have had to live due to being undocumented but It's hard always lying to everyone I know. I wish I could just tell everyone when they ask all the questions. Why don't you drive? Why don't you get financial aid? etc...
Everyone around me knows me as the guy who let's nothing get to him.... When they see shit happening to me and it doesn't phase me and they see me just laugh it off they think I am this strong, secure, worry-free person. In reality none of the shit that people see happen to me affects me because it is nothing compared to this burden I carry. Being undocumented I feel trapped, the only way to live a normal teenage life is to try and ignore it as best I can.
I wish, I just wish I could tell everyone. I would feel so relieved, but I can't I have to protect my family. I am stuck in between choosing what is best for me, letting go of this burden and choosing what is best for my family, keeping this a secret.
I have so many plans for my future, but... but I can't... I can't do anything, I am trapped.
I hate seeing my dad so stressed everyday because we have no money. I hate seeing my mom squander her life away and not really be truly happy. I hate seeing my brother have to go through everything that I went through at his age. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I can't freaking stand this! It is not fair....
But at the same time, how selfish must I sound huh? I complain about all of this all the meanwhile the people in Haiti are suffering things infinitely times worse. How do I balance this feeling of being trapped, this feeling of unfairness and the feeling of being blessed in comparison to those in Haiti or in worse situations than me? How do I balance my natural optimistic attitude with my reality? How do I balance being a kid and at the same time having this constant ghost lurking in the back of my mind?
Yes, I am at a disadvantage when compared to some, but I am so much more fortunate than others. I am undocumented, and I go through moments of weakness such as this one where I question the fairness in my life, where I feel trapped. I am undocumented yet I am happier than so many people I see who have the world at their fingertips but are to scared to go after it. I don't understand this world... I never will..
Tough times don't last but tough people do.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Cornell, Dartmouth, Tufts, Amherst
Those are the Universities I will be applying to for fall 2010 transfer! Well at least the ones in the US. Very tuff schools to get into but worth a shot. I most likely will just go to another country, however if the DREAM ACT passes I might stay here in the US and go to which ever one I get accepted into.
Pretty much have looked at every single Canadian University that exists. My list is narrowed down to my top seven or eight choices, realistically I will only be able to apply to a few of them so I have to pick wisely. After I settle that I will look at some more UK and Australian schools and narrow those down as well. Should be abusy winter break. I have to admit winter break has been fun, hanging out with some of my best friends just about every day is always fun. Everyday once we get home though late at night its time for business and we get right down to this University research we need to finish up. Deadlines are coming up soon so I need to hurry!
For my next post I have a brilliant idea! Not really, but play along. Everyone always tends to forget some of the good times shared with other people. So I want to make a post headlining my top moments/experiences of 2009! That way they are on here forever and I can reminisce year later on them. Otherwise I might forget some of those moments, and truly a reason we live is to create memories. So hopefully I follow through and have my next post be a top 2009 moments.
Also I just thought of this right now, maybe as a new years resolution I should keep something where I write down everyday in 2010 that I had a really good day and a little brief summary of what I did that day. By the end of the year I should have my top days of the year on there and I can always keep that for me so I wont forget those moments and experiences.
Maybe, kind of wishful thinking on my part that I will actually do all that but we will see. I'l try!
Anyways peace kiddos
living it
Pretty much have looked at every single Canadian University that exists. My list is narrowed down to my top seven or eight choices, realistically I will only be able to apply to a few of them so I have to pick wisely. After I settle that I will look at some more UK and Australian schools and narrow those down as well. Should be abusy winter break. I have to admit winter break has been fun, hanging out with some of my best friends just about every day is always fun. Everyday once we get home though late at night its time for business and we get right down to this University research we need to finish up. Deadlines are coming up soon so I need to hurry!
For my next post I have a brilliant idea! Not really, but play along. Everyone always tends to forget some of the good times shared with other people. So I want to make a post headlining my top moments/experiences of 2009! That way they are on here forever and I can reminisce year later on them. Otherwise I might forget some of those moments, and truly a reason we live is to create memories. So hopefully I follow through and have my next post be a top 2009 moments.
Also I just thought of this right now, maybe as a new years resolution I should keep something where I write down everyday in 2010 that I had a really good day and a little brief summary of what I did that day. By the end of the year I should have my top days of the year on there and I can always keep that for me so I wont forget those moments and experiences.
Maybe, kind of wishful thinking on my part that I will actually do all that but we will see. I'l try!
Anyways peace kiddos
living it
Friday, December 25, 2009
sweeet pooooopers
Somehow managed to pull off some A's in some classes I really was not sure I was going to be able to heading into the final week. But I did just had to ace those finals and somehow I did it! GPA in the mid 3.7's now though(and A- is a 3.7) my GPA is still more than a A- but need to get it closer to that 4.0 I had earlier.
Its Christmas eve and I am sitting in my living room writing on my blog... Family doesn't really celebrate holidays, Christmas is no exception. I have got to change that when I get older, my family will celebrate things for sure.
On another note, my winter break has basically consisted of three things:
1)Hanging out with friends
2)Researching information for Universities in Canada/Australia/UK to transfer too.. I am about 80percent done with the list of Canadian schools, I have probably looked at over 50schools total this break. Most of them end up being no good because what I look for initially is cost, then I look for scholarships and how much they are worth and if I qualify for them(which I usually don't because I am an International transfer student), after that I look for anything else important regarding my special situation. So far I have a list of about 3 or maybe 4 schools that I might have shot at going to if I win the scholarships. Wish me luck!
3)Watching movies(this usually happens after I did number one and number two for most of the day and I need a break from number two because sometimes it gets frustrating that just about every school ends up not being a possibility).
Efffffffff this anyways Ima go back to doing number 3 on the list. Night!
peace kiddos.
Its Christmas eve and I am sitting in my living room writing on my blog... Family doesn't really celebrate holidays, Christmas is no exception. I have got to change that when I get older, my family will celebrate things for sure.
On another note, my winter break has basically consisted of three things:
1)Hanging out with friends
2)Researching information for Universities in Canada/Australia/UK to transfer too.. I am about 80percent done with the list of Canadian schools, I have probably looked at over 50schools total this break. Most of them end up being no good because what I look for initially is cost, then I look for scholarships and how much they are worth and if I qualify for them(which I usually don't because I am an International transfer student), after that I look for anything else important regarding my special situation. So far I have a list of about 3 or maybe 4 schools that I might have shot at going to if I win the scholarships. Wish me luck!
3)Watching movies(this usually happens after I did number one and number two for most of the day and I need a break from number two because sometimes it gets frustrating that just about every school ends up not being a possibility).
Efffffffff this anyways Ima go back to doing number 3 on the list. Night!
peace kiddos.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Oh crap
school has been killer. But I think I got through, hopefully I A'ced those tests we will see next week what the result was. 2 more weeks or no sleep but for now its time to enjoy the weekend and go crazy! Have not partied in a while and it feels good to do so again.
After this we are going to buckle down and get ready for the final stretch of this semester, the final stretch of non stop studying, the final stretch of all-nighters, the final stretch of all the final stretches. Definitely excited!
Tuesday there is a DREAM ACT event bring held at my school with around 100 hundred students attending. The faculty is organizing this within the social work department! I take credit along with a few other of inspiring one of the faculty to make this event happen. She has been fantastic, and really enthusiastic about everything taking initiative herself which has really motivated me personally to know that my story along with a few others were able to make her put such effort into this cause when she herself has nothing to gain from this really helps our motivation as students to keep fighting. I will be part of the event speaking in front of everyone about my situation along with a variety of other people headlining the agenda for this event.
I am not worried really it should all turn out fine. Yesterday I participated at my schools public speaking competition. I did it mainly for the extra credit but I must say it was an amazing experience. I learned a great deal seeing others speak and boosted my confidence speaking in front of people. I actually somehow managed to make it to the final round. I felt I had a shot at winning but unfortunately I wasn't able to pull it off. Still to make it to the final round that consisted of the top six speakers was quite an achievement considering it was my first time participating in a public speaking competition and a very hard format which is impromptu speaking. I believe that being president of a club was a sort of advantage for me because I got exposure to speaking in public something many people fear or at least have a strong anxiety towards.
I might join the speech and debate team next semester, It will definately look good on resume's and things of that sort and I have always in a way enjoyed public speaking. Thank god I am not a shy person.
Anyways I will leave you guys alone now, go and have fun enjoy life who knows when its your last day!
Don't live in a "what if" world. Just Do it! Experience everything you can!
After this we are going to buckle down and get ready for the final stretch of this semester, the final stretch of non stop studying, the final stretch of all-nighters, the final stretch of all the final stretches. Definitely excited!
Tuesday there is a DREAM ACT event bring held at my school with around 100 hundred students attending. The faculty is organizing this within the social work department! I take credit along with a few other of inspiring one of the faculty to make this event happen. She has been fantastic, and really enthusiastic about everything taking initiative herself which has really motivated me personally to know that my story along with a few others were able to make her put such effort into this cause when she herself has nothing to gain from this really helps our motivation as students to keep fighting. I will be part of the event speaking in front of everyone about my situation along with a variety of other people headlining the agenda for this event.
I am not worried really it should all turn out fine. Yesterday I participated at my schools public speaking competition. I did it mainly for the extra credit but I must say it was an amazing experience. I learned a great deal seeing others speak and boosted my confidence speaking in front of people. I actually somehow managed to make it to the final round. I felt I had a shot at winning but unfortunately I wasn't able to pull it off. Still to make it to the final round that consisted of the top six speakers was quite an achievement considering it was my first time participating in a public speaking competition and a very hard format which is impromptu speaking. I believe that being president of a club was a sort of advantage for me because I got exposure to speaking in public something many people fear or at least have a strong anxiety towards.
I might join the speech and debate team next semester, It will definately look good on resume's and things of that sort and I have always in a way enjoyed public speaking. Thank god I am not a shy person.
Anyways I will leave you guys alone now, go and have fun enjoy life who knows when its your last day!
Don't live in a "what if" world. Just Do it! Experience everything you can!
Friday, November 27, 2009
To Everyone;
Stop pretending to be happy, and actually be happy!
Being happy is a choice remember tha people!
;P
Being happy is a choice remember tha people!
;P
shit
I always forget about this thing!
I always see random things and I say oh I am going to write about that on my blog! And of course I forget five minutes later.
Pretty much just been going about my life, I have not been going out and partying as much lately. Sometimes the party scene just seems a bit fake to me, do you guys know what I mean? I'm not going to lie I have lot's of fun when I go out and party but it's just lately felt unnecessary. I have to much to worry about, trying to get scholarships to pay for school, trying to research about schools outside of the U.S. to apply to for next year so I can leave this place. Keeping my grades up, and organizing my club in events and things of that nature in support of the DREAM ACT.
And now I have finals coming up soon so I will pretty much have no life for the next three weeks. Seriously finals is the time when I get on average three hours of sleep at night, I think I over study but I feel I need to do that to feel okay about myself if I don't get the grade I want. This semester I have definitely slacked off getting sidetrack with other things so I really need to buckle down during finals.
I have a paper I am writing on health care reform here in the U.S. and it just brings to light so many inadequacies about this country. It just makes me think why have I wanted to stay in this country for so long? I mean for the longest time I would feel that having less opportunities and everything that goes along with being undocumented is worth it as long as I get to stay here in the U.S. I believe it's because the people and relationships I made here that made me feel weirdly attached to this country. However now that I have matured some I am able to see that honestly most of the friends and relationships you make through your life with people are forgotten about and it is only really a select few who are going to stay there and maintain that long lasting connection with you. How it is determined who stays in your life and who leaves is a mystery. Maybe now that I have started to reflect on this is why I have felt a sort of animosity towards the party scene, it feels fake. I won't ever talk to most of the people I see at parties ever again and the ones that I will it will only be till we leave college and then it's over. Il never see them again, its only the people I am really close with that will really be there till the end. I am thankful to have the best friend anyone could ever ask for, seriously were like brothers and some other really really good friends that will be there till the end, but even if I move away they will still be there because that's who they are. While the people I was scared to leave, I will eventually leave anyways.
Everything I just said probably makes absolutely no sense so you can completely disregard my attempt to sound philosophically intelligent. I really am just a real weirdo. I mean seriously why the hell am I even writing here, it's not like anyone is going to read it right? Sometimes we do things for no reason what so ever it baffles me, why is this?
Anyways I am going to spare you guys any more misery and just stop talking, before you leave though check this guy out, I found this hilarious yet very educational.
I always see random things and I say oh I am going to write about that on my blog! And of course I forget five minutes later.
Pretty much just been going about my life, I have not been going out and partying as much lately. Sometimes the party scene just seems a bit fake to me, do you guys know what I mean? I'm not going to lie I have lot's of fun when I go out and party but it's just lately felt unnecessary. I have to much to worry about, trying to get scholarships to pay for school, trying to research about schools outside of the U.S. to apply to for next year so I can leave this place. Keeping my grades up, and organizing my club in events and things of that nature in support of the DREAM ACT.
And now I have finals coming up soon so I will pretty much have no life for the next three weeks. Seriously finals is the time when I get on average three hours of sleep at night, I think I over study but I feel I need to do that to feel okay about myself if I don't get the grade I want. This semester I have definitely slacked off getting sidetrack with other things so I really need to buckle down during finals.
I have a paper I am writing on health care reform here in the U.S. and it just brings to light so many inadequacies about this country. It just makes me think why have I wanted to stay in this country for so long? I mean for the longest time I would feel that having less opportunities and everything that goes along with being undocumented is worth it as long as I get to stay here in the U.S. I believe it's because the people and relationships I made here that made me feel weirdly attached to this country. However now that I have matured some I am able to see that honestly most of the friends and relationships you make through your life with people are forgotten about and it is only really a select few who are going to stay there and maintain that long lasting connection with you. How it is determined who stays in your life and who leaves is a mystery. Maybe now that I have started to reflect on this is why I have felt a sort of animosity towards the party scene, it feels fake. I won't ever talk to most of the people I see at parties ever again and the ones that I will it will only be till we leave college and then it's over. Il never see them again, its only the people I am really close with that will really be there till the end. I am thankful to have the best friend anyone could ever ask for, seriously were like brothers and some other really really good friends that will be there till the end, but even if I move away they will still be there because that's who they are. While the people I was scared to leave, I will eventually leave anyways.
Everything I just said probably makes absolutely no sense so you can completely disregard my attempt to sound philosophically intelligent. I really am just a real weirdo. I mean seriously why the hell am I even writing here, it's not like anyone is going to read it right? Sometimes we do things for no reason what so ever it baffles me, why is this?
Anyways I am going to spare you guys any more misery and just stop talking, before you leave though check this guy out, I found this hilarious yet very educational.
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